Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
