i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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