I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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