Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
