They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
