I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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