I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
