I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
