in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
