If i come over, it means nothing
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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