You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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