textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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