Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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