I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
