Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize