I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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