6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
