If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
