sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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