I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
