she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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