I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
