Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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