On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
babies were throwing up all over the place
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
