her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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