Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
