I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Randomize
