some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
