Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
