why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
