hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
