I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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