I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
