Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
