i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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