When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
