i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
