i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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