All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
how does that bad decision feel?
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