Your dad touched me again.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
