Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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