your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
