yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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