I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
