I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
