my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't think brook has ever known best
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
