She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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