I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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