ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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