I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize