Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
