I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
