I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
