Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
