not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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