he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
