also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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