Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
