I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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