My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
