i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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