I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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