You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
