he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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