Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
